A friend once told me that the colour purple is healing. Maybe that’s what drew us to buying the Purple House. Within two weeks of moving the stress of the last couple of years caught up with us. Our relationship was teetering on the edge of an abyss. For a while it rocked back and forth, each of us desperately clinging to what was left. But we also knew we were good together. And for each other. Our dogs, my fiancé and I are a pack. And we have always fought hard to keep that pack together.
Rebuilding our relationship started on a minute by minute basis. Then hour by hour. Day by day. Week by week. Today it is stronger than it has ever been. But it didn’t happen without us making some serious changes.
We knew we couldn't keep going at the pace we were living our lives. Something was going to have to give.
The boy had been working six days a week in a job he hated. The hours were long. His employers complete dickheads. He was tired and grumpy. Every single day.
Our conversations revolved around his work. It was the first thing we talked about on waking. And the last thing we talked about at night. I began to bear the brunt of his frustration. And while I understood why he was so angry, he had begun to push my tolerance level to it's limit.
With the realisation that his work was having a huge impact on our relationship he changed jobs. Within days the stress of his previous job had left him. And the boy I had fallen in love with was back.
But it wasn’t just that which needed to change. I was working hard too. And I was burning myself out. I had reached a point where I felt like I was doing nothing well. I wasn’t being the best fiancé. The best dog-mum. The best daughter, sister or friend. I wasn’t eating well or getting enough sleep. I wasn’t doing the things I enjoyed. My life had become consumed with my online business and the clients I coached.
Something had to give.
Life had to slow down.
The first thing I did was close my online business. To be honest I wasn’t enjoying it. I had built something that others had encouraged me to build. And that was never going to be sustainable.
It had filled a gap that needed filling at the time. But I didn’t need it anymore. Closing down my online business gave me back space and time. Time I filled with taking our dogs for long walks. And space to do those things I once enjoyed, but had fallen by the wayside.
But most of all it freed up my mind. And as my mind cleared it started to slow down. As as my mind slowed down, so did I.
I began creating a home we felt relaxed in as soon as we walked through the front door. I established routines and rituals that freed up my time and meant I never hit decision fatigue. I decluttered everything I consumed online, so I was living more of my life off it. And I got realistic about what I could fit into a day, so I didn't feel like I was always trying to catch up.
I don't want you to think my life isn't full these days. It is. But it isn't overwhelming. That is the difference.
(I'm going to be talking about each of these things in my posts over the next few weeks, as I know many of you are interested in the practical way I have managed to do this, so stay tuned!).
When I was working as a life coach I would ask all my clients one question:
"If you knew today was going to be your last day on earth, is this how you'd want to be spending it"?
My answer to this question has been my biggest motivation for slowing down and living a quiet life. Because I now feel I’m living that answer each day.